No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
