I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
