Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
