forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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