I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i think i have two assholes
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
