I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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