Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
