I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
