its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
