I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
so let's talk penis.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
