You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
