how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
