oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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