Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
