Your tits are I can't wait for
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My feet surprised me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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