I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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