I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
