When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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