I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
