It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
