I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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