i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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