why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
