Your tits are I can't wait for
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
