Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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