All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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