Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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