I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
