I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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