from now on my penis is your penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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