Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
