Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
