Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
So vagazzling was a success
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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