Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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