Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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