I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
