My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
