I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
