I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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