The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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