So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
