I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
