i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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