Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
me + whiskey = a bad person
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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