Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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