Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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