the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
