I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
