Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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