Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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